Somebody Needs to Troll Slap the Fella’s at Palm
Mixing T9 algorithims with a little bit of intuitive swag creates a technological blend formidably known as swyping. Pecking on tiny devices will be a burden of the past if the good ol’ boys at Swype can convince some of the chief officials of companies involved in the touch screen phenomenon to take Beyonce’s advice and upgrade their devices. The head honcho at Swype claims individuals can create messages composed of approximately 50 words per minute by Swyping opposed to 20 words per minute touted by texting. I was a little skeptical of these sketchy claims until I watched the video.
I”m suprised Palm didn’t incorporate Swype on their new Palm Pre device that is supposedly going to rival the iphone. If you’re going to have a chance winning more than one hand, you have to up the ante.
Dear Mr. CEO of Palm,
This was your chance. Here in Tokyo, we have a love/hate relationship with texting. Texting is a like an after school third grade track meet; everybody is moving incredibly slow. They are third graders.
Juice us up and slap a tank of Nitros Oxide onto our texting devices. You dropped the ball. You expect us to abandon or cast away our iphones. That’s like Tom Hanks giving Wilson the boot.
So, please refer to the title of this post for my closing sentiments.
Sincerely,
The Good People of Tokyo, Texas
Do You Understand the Words that are Coming out of My Mouth?
If there were ever a place to capture every note imaginable, that place would be Evernote.com. Truly, a remarkable confluence of sleekness and functionality. Surprisingly, I set up an evernote account six months ago and quickly abandoned the site because my greatest need to capture information was when I was away from my desktop.
The iphone changed that, and I believe Evernote “the app” saved Evernote “the site”. Why write or text a note when you can quickly snap a photo? I spend my day writing notes to myself on a giant dry erase board. When I fill the board, I take a photo and store it away for future use.
If I happened to text a note or import text from a website to one of my Evernote notebooks, I can easily recall any word in the note or text using the snazzy search engine; Evernote will pin point the note and highlight the word or words I was searching for. Definitely nice.
But. Here is how you change a $1,000,000 site into a $10,000,000 million dollar site.
What I need from Evernote is the ability to search for specific words or phrases in voice notes. For example, I’m driving down the Airport Freeway, and I have a brilliant idea. I use my hands free headset and upload a voice note to myself. Three months later, I want to recall a certain section of that note. I remember saying “homeless man hustle,” and so I enter the phrase in the Evernote search engine. Evernote, in turn, pulls up the voice note and fast-forwards to that section of my note.
I love voice notes, and this ability would allow me to freely upload voice notes without precariously wasting minutes of my life rummaging through old voice notes looking for the “good stuff.” I also don’t want to be concerned with overextending my welcome and recording lengthy, verbose notes; I wouldn’t have to worry about that if I knew I had the ability to quickly find any and everything mentioned.
Evernote. Make it happen. Pronto. And watch the cheddi fall from the sky.
I want those 12 seconds of my life back.
Imagine a low- budget, poorly groomed disc jockey attempting to make the switch from radio personality to television personality. The outcome is indubious. Absolute failure is certain. The premise of the 12seconds.tv site is simple: record a 12 second video of yourself and upload it for the world.
After spending 12 minutes watching 12 second videos, I began to feel extremely woozy. Most videos resemble people staring into their bathroom mirrors rambling incoherent nonsense. I am convinced that most people on the site think their videos are entertaining and provide a great amount of redeemable value.
Those people are wrong.
Only a small percentage of the human population have something awe-inspiring to say. Well, that’s not entirely true, but few people can convey such a message in such a short time. And maybe awe inspiring is too large a task, but most people lack the 12 second wow factor; that is why small talk sucks.
Let’s take me for example. As much as my acting abilities favor those of Terrence Howard, if I’m alloted twelves seconds to attempt to record something meaningful, witty, or insightul, I’m going to end up looking more like Eddie Murphy in Meet Dave or Shaq in Kazaam.
I know my limits.
The only entertaining feature on the site is the 12second challenge. But I would much rather respond through the text based site, Plinky.
Final thought: 12seconds here and there, throughout the day, over the course of the year, easily turns into several days worth of nothingness, and I would rather be doing “something” other than all the nothing that is going on at 12seconds.tv.
The First Black Bond: iPhone application
As Diddy and Jammie Foxx make viable or quite possibly unfeasible and ridiculous pleas for a shot as the first black James Bond, I’ve been polishing my agent skills deep behind enemy lines.
I am a stealth gazelle. I repeat. I am a stealth gazelle.
Monthly, I enter ninja mode and tote my iphone, suped up with 2.0 megapixel camera with photo geotagging capabilities and third party integration, to the dreaded Blockbuster vaults, where the newest dvd releases dwell.
Mission:
Gather vital information for MPNQ (my.personal.netflix.que).
Course of Action:
The quickest way to disseminate one hundred thousand dvds avaible to movie watchers is not online; it’s on foot.
Scavenging online for titles is a laboriously tedious task. To save time, I simply scroll through the aisles of Blockbuster (undetected) and snap photos of films.
Here is the problem:
Listen up Retro Netflix, Queuetastic – Netlfix Queue Managment, iPhlix – Netlfix Queue Manager, and any other obscure iphone app. developer who plans on delving into developing low budget Netflix phone apps.
Typing on the iphone should be avoided at all cost. I repeat. Typing on the iphone should be avoided at all cost.
It is equivalent to pecking. And Bond (especially a black Bond) doesn’t peck.
Here is the solution:
DVD recognition technology. While in my, let’s call it photoflix account, which I downloaded for 99 cents in the app. store, I take snapshots of DVD’s that interest me. Those photos are then cross referenced with a database of DVD covers.
Once the corresponding DVD is located, the movie is instantly added to my Netflix que and the crooked mouth bandits at Blockbuster remain unaware of my operative mission.
The app. would essentially work in a fashion equivalent to Shazam.
Cashflow:
Getting paid is easy. Pennies stack 99 cents at a time. And penny stacks are the first step towards paper stacks.
The first black Bond, signing off.
